A Bump On The Head
by Debbifan

It looked like Kait was about to lose another job, which was a real shame considering she’d expected to make a real killing in tips tonight. The drunks at a show like this were always good for a few extra quid. But the sitter had called with an emergency and if Kait didn’t make it back to her flat in a hurry her little boy might be left all alone, a possibility she just couldn’t allow.

Kait weaved her way through the crowd then broke into a full sprint toward the tube doors, determined not to miss this train and be forced to wait on the next one. She was nearly to the doors when she slammed directly into another traveller, who was just departing the train, slamming her into an adjacent column leaving the poor women in a heap on the floor. “Sorry, sorry!” was all Kait could manage to say as she rushed through the closing metro doors with thoughts of her son still at the forefront of her mind.

She failed to realize she had left the poor women unconscious, or that she had dropped (and now deserted) her own bag!

*****

“Ms. Kaitlynne?” the member of station staff tried to rouse the groggy casualty.

“Can you hear me Ms. Kaitlynne?” he continued.

Debbi’s head was throbbing off the scale as she opened her eyes to see the assistant kneeling over her.

“Ah, great! You're back with us Ms. Kaitlynne, I was beginning to worry I’d need to call an ambulance” the assistant smiled.

“Miss Kaitlynne?” Debbi said, still not entirely sure which way was up.

“Sorry but I took the liberty of checking in your bag for some ID and found your season ticket” the assistant explained.

Debbi accepted the bag, still a little confused “My bag? Oh, er thanks”

“Hmm..” The assistant studied the still obviously dazed woman. “Perhaps we’ll be needing that medic after all, eh miss?” he wondered.

“No,no. Er I, I think I’m alright.” Debbi replied “I just need to take a minute.”

The assistant's smile returned. “Okay then miss. If you're sure, Ill leave you to it.” He tipped his hat “Oh but you might wanna check your phone, it's been buzzing like crazy!”

It was rush hour and the station was busy, so the assistant had a lot to deal with. It was only a few moments after he had left that some wolf whistles drew Debbi’s attention. She looked up to find a gang of youths smirking at her and making crude gestures. Looking down, she found that her business skirt was completely bunched round her waist, leaving her cheeky lace knickers on full display, baring her long bare legs to all and sundry!

Debbi hurriedly stood up, immediately feeling dizzy. But she nevertheless straightened out her skirt, gathered her belongings and headed off, though to where she was not quite sure. In fact she wasn’t sure of much! She tried to gather her thoughts. So, her name was Kaitlynne it seemed. But beyond that, who knew? After putting some distance between herself and the leery teens, Debbi decided to take the officer’s advice and check 'her' phone. Perhaps that would jog her memory. The screen lit up. There were several missed messages but, unable to remember her passcode, Debbi was stuck on the lock screen and could only see the most recent one: “Kait!! Where the hell are you?! The pub called and said the guys have already arrived and are starting to get antsy! Get your ass over to Brewer’s Street pronto!”

When Debbi arrived at the seedy little pub, it was already quite packed. A rowdy bachelor party was making a commotion near the stage, and Debbi started having second thoughts, perhaps coming here wasn’t such a good idea. She turned to leave, but the barmaid grabbed her shoulder.

“Kaitlynne?”

Debbi nodded. “With an E. I’ve never seen it that way before.” The barmaid added. Debbi frowned. 'With an E!' The phrase rang in her ears, haunting her like something remembered from a dream. Something about this was all wrong! She wanted nothing more than to sprint out of this grimy establishment and never look back but her legs wouldn’t move.

The barmaid broke Debbi from her trance “Well you’d better get ready in a hurry, cause if you aren’t up on stage soon those guys are liable to tear this place apart!” She dragged Debbi to a small little back room adding “You can get ready in here but be quick!”.

On stage? Get ready? Debbi’s heart was pounding, what exactly was expected of her anyway? Perhaps she should have explained the situation to the barmaid. Perhaps her amnesia would have gotten her excused and she could have gotten some time to clear her head without being fired. 'Fired'? Debbi laughed at the thought, what the hell did she do anyway? She began rummaging through 'her' bag, hoping it might provide a clue as to what she was doing at this place and what exactly was expected of her on stage.

The were no major revelations, but she found a red wig and decided to try it on. She stared at her refection, pleading it would restore her memory. While the wig looked fine and altered her appearance somewhat, it provided no more clarity. Debbi was startled by a violent rapping on the door. It was the barmaid “All set in there? For goodness sake hurry up, they're getting restless!” Debbi gulped, it was showtime, whatever that meant.

As she stepped out onto the stage, the crowd went wild. The music started and Debbi’s eyes grew wide as she realized what they all were waiting for. What was expected of her was suddenly quite clear. She was a stripper!

*****

The music started and Derek looked up to the stage. The exotic dancer his mates had secured wasn’t half bad. She had come in a secretary costume or portraying some kind of snooty little corporate chick. That was a fun twist. But what he and the rest of the male patrons were interested in, was what lay beneath that business suit. Derek couldn’t help but think there was something familiar about this stripper but he couldn’t know her could he? His wife Carol hardly allowed him to be some kind of strip club connoisseur, this stag party for his mate was a rare exception.

As Derek studied the face beneath the red bob, suddenly it hit him. The stripper bore a striking resemblance to his wife’s boss Debbi! Derek grew excited. While he usually preferred his women a fair bit bustier, the stripper’s resemblance to someone he knew offered a renewed interest in her show.

At a corner table, Debbi’s lecherous old neighbour Alvin sat nursing a drink. He was drowning his sorrows as was his Friday night routine. When the music started the old codger perked up. He hadn’t been aware that a stag party had arranged some special live entertainment right here at his usual watering hole. But when he saw the crimson haired young lady take the stage, he knew he had to move in for a closer look.

Debbi was frozen with fear. “GET ON WITH IT!” Shouted one impatient drunk. Debbi started swaying her hips to the music, and even this small motion drew approval from the crowd. Debbi started getting a little more into it, she was feeling the music, and maybe if she went through the motions, it would all start coming back to her.

With trembling hands she reached up and began unfastening the buttons of her blouse. When the job was finished she let the blouse fall open revealing her black lace bra and drawing a roar from the crowd. It did not 'all come back' to her however and she still felt embarrassed and mortified to be dancing up on stage wearing so little, in front of all these eager men. She shed the blouse completely and continued dancing dressed as she was for a while, hoping perhaps that would be enough. But her hopes where dashed by an unsatisfied shout from a familiar looking old man in the crowd. “Lose the skirt!”.

Taking a deep breath, Debbi turned her back to the crowd and grabbed the zipper of the skirt. How could she do this every night? Wait, did she? It seemed so wrong! But her head was still so foggy and she felt duty bound to the waiting audience. This propelled her forward. She lowered the zipper and let the skirt pool at her feet before kicking it off the back of the stage. The crowd was treated for the first time to the amazing unobstructed view of Debbi’s ample bum, her cheeks teasingly poking out from beneath the sheer black lace panties.

Debbi turned back around to face her crowd and resumed dancing, trying her best to avoid eye contact with any of the many pairs of eyes staring up at her, feasting on the abundant amounts of bare skin. After a few more minutes of dancing, the song came to an end. Debbi breathed a sigh of relief, thinking this terrible ordeal was over. But the men began pounding on the bar and the edges of the stage in unison, chanting “Take It Off! Take It Off! Take It Off!”.

They weren’t about to let her get off that easily. 'Come on Kaity (that still didn’t feel right) you are a professional, you can do this!' Debbi thought. With her eyes clamped tightly shut, Debbi reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the stage. A roar of appreciation rang out as the crowd drank in the sight of Debbi’s bare breasts. “Nice tits Bay-By!” the old bastard shouted out.

After what felt like an eternity, never once opening her eyes, Debbi clamped her hands to her chest and ran off the back of the stage.

Debbi sat in the backroom with the door ajar, trying to catch her breath from the evening's events when a member of the stag party approached her. Still spun up from what she’d just done Debbi could not even think clearly enough to hide her exposed breasts from the man who now stood within a few feet of her.

“So um..” The drunken best man began, “Great show so far...”

'So Far?' Debbi thought. Did they really expect her to go back out there?

“But you know...” In his drunken state the best man decided to press his luck and see if he could bluff this stripper into a more explicit show. “...on the phone when we requested a stripper and agreed on a price, we were promised the Full Monty... if you know what I mean?”

Debbi just stared at the man, she did not as a matter of fact 'know what he meant'. It was not the reaction the best man had hoped for but he decided to double down. “So, anyway, I expect you to lose the knickers before the end of the next song” he said matter-of-factly before walking away to return to his mates.

Debbi was floored. Lose the kickers? Was she expected to expose all her most intimate bits to this rowdy bunch? How had she ever gotten in to this line of work in the first place she wondered? For what felt like the millionth time tonight her train of thought was interrupted when the barmaid grabbed her arm. “Great job so far, but you’d better get back up there, these guys are getting restless!”

Once again Debbi found herself back on the stage, a whole new song beginning. Her dancing was much less enthusiastic this time around and she barely moved as the impending doom of ditching her panties weighed heavily on her mind. The men for their part didn’t care much, they enjoyed watching Debbi’s bare tits regardless of how little she moved.

The best man watched the show with his fingers crossed. Had his bluff worked, would his posturing pay off? As Debbi scanned the crowd her eyes locked with the man who had approached her off stage. He shifted his expression to a stern one, hoping to drive the point home. Debbi swallowed hard and grabbed the waistband of her knickers with both hands. Closing her eyes again she steeled her resolve, yanking her knickers down and off all at once!

There was an explosion of cheers from the crowd and people began to push and shove, fighting for a better position from which to enjoy the view of the strippers newly exposed pussy! Now Debbi really started to move, dancing much more dramatically. It seemed much less embarrassing to keep moving and thereby limit the view she provided, as opposed to standing still like a statue for their inspection, letting them fuck her with their eyes.

“Let's see you twerk that ass bitch!” Alvin croaked. “You heard the old man! How about you show some respect for your elders by shaking that ass?” agreed the best man, drawing much laughter from the crowd. In her current state, Debbi was unsure if she had ever known how to twerk but she certainly didn’t appear to know now. Even so, she gave it her best shot, turning her bum to the crowd, bouncing and shaking for their viewing pleasure.

Once Debbi finished her twerking, she was surprised by a sudden presence on stage. The best man had joined her and brought with him a single chair. “And now for the main event.” the best man began. “A lap dance for our mate Eddie on his last day of freedom! Come on up here Eddie.” The best man left the stage and was replaced by whom Debbi could only assume was the groom Eddie, who sat expectantly in the chair placed on stage.

Debbi wasn’t sure where to begin, did she really have to give this guy a personal up-close dance? Was that a part of her job? She couldn’t be sure, but everyone was waiting. She did the only thing she could think of she walked over and straddled the man, shaking her chest in his face.

Debbi let out a yelp when Eddie grabbed her ass, taking a big handful of each cheek. This was inappropriate, wasn’t it? He should keep his hands to himself, shouldn’t he? Debbi found herself unable to remember what the protocol should be, so remained silent to the groping. As Eddie pulled her towards him, she felt her cheeks spread. She could only imagine the view the crowd behind her was enjoying, one previously reserved for her gynaecologist and intimate lovers. Debbi just wanted to disappear.

But for now she needed to rectify the current situation. To Eddie’s disappointment Debbi stood up, breaking free of his grasp. His smile returned however when she simply turned around and resumed dancing for him, this time facing the audience with her back towards the groom. She danced for a while and gained a little confidence. Taking matters into her own hands, Debbi finished the dance and then announced “How about a round of applause for our bachelor?” before motioning for Eddie to leave the stage. Eddie was disappointed his special dance was over so soon. Wanting a souvenir with which to remember this night by, Eddie scanned the stage for the stripper’s discarded knickers, but they were nowhere to be found. So the very drunk groom-to-be then set his sights on a new prize. He snatched the wig from Debbi’s head and hoisted it up in victory before departing the stage with it in his hand.

The now wig-less Debbi turn to the crowd to give one last bow before departing. Derek looked up in shock and blurted out in disbelief “DEBBI?!” Debbi’s eyes, turned towards the voice. That name. That face. And finally, all at once it came flooding back. She wasn’t Kaitlynne the stripper, whoever that was. She was Debbi! Debbi with no E! Debbi, a successful well-respected Team Leader at her I.T. company. Overwhelmed, for the second time that night, Debbi ended up unconscious in an unceremonious heap.



Derek and Alvin rushed to the front of the low stage, Derek to assist the stricken Debbi and Alvin to get a closer look between her legs where she had collapsed naked and spreadeagled. Derek cradled Debbi's shoulders and lifted her into a sitting position. He knew his wife Carol didn't always get on with her boss but he couldn't leave her there in distress. Anyway, he wanted to get to the bottom of the mystery of how she had ended up this evening stripping on stage in the seedy pub. "Get her a shot of brandy" he called to the barmaid. The stag party Derek was part of had initially been shocked to see the stripper collapse like that but now it was clear that she was beginning to come around and that their mate Derek had taken charge, they once more focused on her naked form.

"Here Kaitlynne, drink this" the barmaid said. Debbi spluttered as she took too large a gulp of the strong liquor. "What's all this Kaitlynne stuff ?" the puzzled Derek inquired. "It's her name" the barmaid replied. "No it isn't, her name's Debbi. She's a serious business woman" Derek informed her. "That's right, she lives near me. I didn't recognized her in that wig" Alvin confirmed. "I guess Kaitlynne's a stage name ? Maybe she doesn't want people knowing she does this as a side line ?" the barmaid speculated. "Well, she wouldn't would she" agreed Alvin.

While this conversation was going on around her, Debbi was slowly pulling herself together and the events of the evening began to take shape in her befuddled brain. "I am Debbi" she slurred. "I'm not a stripper. I had an accident earlier and lost my memory temporarily." She began to recount the collision at the station, how Kaitlynne's bag was left by her and how, with the aid of the station worker, the assumption was made that she must be Kaitlynne. Then the frantic text messages on the phone sending her to the pub and the events there that they all knew about.

"Well you did a great job anyway, better than any strippers we normally get" the barmaid complemented her. "Thank you" said Debbi. "Er, I think, I mean, I guess it's thank you." She was still not yet fully herself. "Yeah, you were great" the stag party agreed. "Um, I think maybe we should get you back stage so you can put your clothes on again ?" Derek reluctantly suggested. All this while Debbi had been stark naked and making no attempt to cover, a situation she belatedly rectified with her hands and arms as she got unsteadily to her feet !

The barmaid accompanied her to the small back room, where thankfully her business suit was still to be found. There was no sign of her underwear but that could not be helped.

Derek had waited outside. Debbi blushed to emerge to appreciative applause from her erstwhile audience. "I'd better run you to the hospital to get you checked out" said Derek. "Friday night in A & E ? When there's a match on ? I don't think so" Debbi replied, feeling a little better while remaining mortified over what had occurred. Especially with that old lecher Alvin being there too. "But I think I should go and take this bag to Kaitlynne whoever she is." Debbi gestured to the shoulder bag that had been the root of her troubles and the misunderstanding. "It's got all her stuff in it and she'll need it."

"Well, I can run you over there then. You know who she is ?" Derek asked. "No idea" answered Debbi. "Though I'm guessing it's the girl who knocked me over at the station. But the address is here on her ID."

Kaitlynne's address turned out to be in a rather forlorn looking block of three story flats. Those that had been purchased by their occupiers under the right to buy scheme had made attempts to smarten up with new doors, window boxes and a lick of paint. Those that remained the responsibility of social housing had a much more unloved appearance. Kaitlynne's was one of those.

"You can stay in the car" Debbi told Derek. "I shouldn't be long." Derek studied the block of flats. "Maybe I'd better come with you just in case ?"

Debbi rang the bell. There was the commotion of a yapping dog and crying baby and a distant cry of 'who the hell's that ?' The door was opened by a tired and harassed looking girl, maybe a year or two younger than Debbi but with twice as much life experience it seemed. "Yes ?" the girl demanded. "Um, sorry to bother you but are you Kaitlynne ?" Debbi began. "Who wants to know ?" the girl answered defensively. "Er, I think this is yours ?" Debbi replied, holding up the bag. Kaitlynne's demeanor softened, as did her face, betraying her age. "Oh god, thank you so much. I was going frantic, it's got all my stuff" she said as she delved into the bag. "Where did you find it ?"

"On the platform at the station" Debbi explained. Kaitlynne's natural caution and suspicion kicked back in. "What took you so long ?" she wanted to know. "I thought it was mine" said Debbi. A brief argument ensued.

"What do you mean, you thought it was yours ?"

"You bloody knocked me out when you pushed me over"

"I didn't push you, we collided" Kaitlynne clarified, remembering the incident. "And I said sorry."

"Whatever, I didn't know where I was when I came to and this station guy kept calling me Kaitlynne 'cos he'd looked in your bag. And I'd lost my memory and thought I must be Kaitlynne."

"So how come you remembered ?"

Debbi began to explain the frantic texts on Kaitlynne's phone and how she had taken her place as a stripper. Kaitlynne began to laugh. "Look, you'd better come in for a cup of tea."

They made their way into the flat past a boisterous Jack Russell. Kaitlynne removed baby detritus from the sofa and went to quieten the crying child in his cot. She explained why she had been in such a hurry. As they sat sipping tea a few minutes later, Kaitlynne unlocked her phone and scrolled through the follow up messages that Debbi had been unable to access. "Wow, they were going crazy. But I couldn't tell them I wouldn't be there cos this is my only phone. Hey, but then it says lucky for you, your girlfriend turned up and saved the day. They loved you. So it seems I've still got a job !"

The baby began crying again and Kaitlynne took him out of the cot and into her arms. "He's got this virus that's going around and the sitter says she's going to stay away until he recovers, can't risk spreading it to her other kids." She looked at Debbi curiously. "Look, I know it's a cheek and I hardly know you. But you don't think you could cover for me and do my other bookings for the next week could you ?"

"What ? No, I'm very sorry but I couldn't do that. I'm not a stripper. I'm a serious business woman. Surely you can explain you've got a sick child ? They're bound to understand" replied Debbi. "You've obviously never worked in the gig economy" sighed Kaitlynne ruefully. "No sick pay, no fancy health care plans. No work, no pay. Make too many waves, miss too many gigs, no job. I only got away with tonight by the skin of my teeth and by sheer luck because of what happened with you."

"I do sympathize" said Debbi "But apart from anything else, I wouldn't know where to start going about stripping anyway."

"But they loved you tonight it seems" Kaitlynne argued, showing Debbi the messages she'd unlocked from her phone. "They did, she was great" confirmed Derek who'd been listening in amusement. "That's as maybe but I've no idea where that came from earlier. Somewhere in my subconscious or something I guess, convincing me I was you and I was supposed to be a stripper. I couldn't just go in somewhere cold and start taking my clothes off. Can't one of the other girls fill in ? From the agency or whoever it is you work for ?" suggested Debbi. "They're a ruthless bunch. It's cut throat. They'd want to muscle in and take all my regular spots away from me" answered Kaitlynne. "Look, I wouldn't ask otherwise but I'm really desperate."

The baby began to howl again, in obvious distress. The Jack Russell jumped up on the couch alongside Debbi, casting puppy dog eyes and nuzzling her hand. "Carol was only telling me the other day that you've got a backlog of leave stacked up that you should've taken Deb. I'm sure you could take a break next week."

It was pretty obvious to Debbi that Kaitlynne was in a single parent situation. She didn't dare quiz the girl about her family. This could have been her in another lifetime, under different sliding door circumstances. "How many gigs have you got exactly ?" she said finally. I always was a soft hearted fool, she chastised herself as soon as she had spoken !

"Six" Kaitlynne replied. "Six ?" exclaimed Debbi, already regretting what she might be getting herself into. "I know it's not many" said Kaitlynne, misunderstanding Debbi's reaction. "But I limit them so as not to ask too much of my regular sitter."

"So what are they and when ?" Debbi reluctantly continued. "Well, I don't work weekends. It's even harder to get a sitter then. So they're all next week. That should give me time I need for the babe to get better" Kaitlynne answered.

"So what are they ?" Debbi repeated. "OK, so, I've got two regular lunchtime slots in pubs. One here in town and one in Reading. They're easy, I don't really know why they keep going but I'm glad they do."

"But I might get recognized at the one in town, that's already happened tonight" Debbi objected. "You can take my wig" said Kaitlynne, searching in the bag that Debbi had just returned to her. "Oh yeah, about the wig" Debbi began and she explained that it had been taken as a souvenir by the stags. "I'll get you another one, or better yet, you get it and I'll pay" she concluded. "I lost my knickers too" she added. "That's one of the cardinal rules, always keep your stuff within easy reach" Kaitlynne advised her.

"OK, so we get you a wig. My other regular gig is at Pussy Paradise in Reading on a Thursday evening. That could be a problem, I don't suppose you know how to pole dance ?" Kaitlynne asked. Debbi threw her a look. "No, I didn't think you would. I'm sure it'll be OK, I'll have a word with them and I'm sure they'll be fine with you just getting naked. You can rub yourself up against the pole a few times or something. There's other dancers there, we do four sets in rotation through the evening." Debbi was getting ever more alarmed, she had assumed she'd just do a quick ten or fifteen minutes and be in and out of the venues.

"You said there were six ?"

"Yeah, the other three are one off private parties. There's an afternoon one at an old folk's home for an 80th birthday."

"A what ?" gasped Debbi in astonishment. "I know, you'd be surprised. They asked the old codger what he wanted for his birthday and he said a stripper. Then there's an unusual one. A bunch of 18 year old posh boys at Wellington College have got together to book me, or rather you, to do a show to celebrate the end of their final term." Debbi recalled run ins with the entitled denizens of the expensive private school from her teenage years. "The last one ?" she dared to ask. "That one ought to be pretty routine. An evening pub one, a bit like tonight but it's a leaving do for some guy rather than a stag night."

"I really am so, so grateful" said Kaitlynne. "Well, er, um, I'm not exactly sure" Debbi mumbled. "Oh please, please" Kaitlynne pleaded. "Go on Deb, you can do it" Derek encouraged her. "Look, why don't you come round tomorrow afternoon ? I can show you some moves, give you some more tips on what to look out for so everything goes smoothly ?" Kaitlynne suggested. Debbi was still a little light headed from the bump on the head she had sustained earlier. "Oh, alright then" she gave in. "Oh, thank you, thank you, you're a star" and still with babe in arms she lunged forward to give Debbi a kiss on the forehead.